Salsa Therapy (3x Salsa Recipes)

When you're having a semi-bad day and your wife comes come with 6 habaneros, 8 jalapenos and close to 30 vine tomatoes there's only one thing to do. Make salsa! For some reason, salsa is my happy food. There are just so many possibilities and unpredictable elements.  You can make the same recipe of salsa 100 times and get a different salsa each time.  Maybe I get a little too excited about food, but that roulette wheel spins every time you cook--sometimes it's red, sometimes it's black. You just never know!

Today, I was feeling a little fiery, so I chose to make some fiery salsas. Two out of the three I made were spicy--one being rocket hot. The third salsa was for the kids, but was really good and refreshing for anyone! We'll start with the basic salsa and go up the Scoville heat scale.

*NOTE* In all of these recipes, it is assumed that you have a food processor. If you don't, it's fine, but chop things finely and take your time. Definitely allow more time to sit so flavors come together.

Salsa for Everyone

This is the salsa for those who don't like it hot. This salsa goes great on eggs and is great for kids. It's also good for thoughtless snacking. And aside from salt, it's fairly good for you! I use this recipe as a base for experimenting too. Make this salsa and add whatever you want!

Ingredients:

• 6 Vine Tomatoes, topped and quartered
• 3/4 Cup (1 fistfull) of Cilantro, finely chopped
• 1/2 Cup Onion, coarsely chopped
• Juice from 1/2 a Lime
• 2T (big pinch x2) Kosher Salt
• 2t (little pinch x2)Fresh Ground Pepper
• 2t (little pinch x2) Granulated Garlic (Fresh garlic is okay too, but will get stronger with time. Granulated seems to stay way more consistent with time which is good with salsa)

Method:

1. Place tomatoes in food processor and spin 'em until they are the consistencey of restaurant salsa--slightly over-blended but not pureed. Place in a bowl larger than what you think you'll need.
2. Place cilantro, onion and lime juice in food processor at the same time. Pulse until onions are coarsely minced. Place in bowl with tomatoes.
3. Add salt, pepper and garlic. Stir and enjoy with your favorite chips.

As always, you can enjoy your salsa right away but waiting at least a few hours will greatly benefit the flavors. I usually stick it in the fridge overnight and eat it on some eggs in the morning to see how it turned out.

Smokey Double Jalapeno Salsa

Ingredients:

• 8 Vine Tomatoes, topped and quartered
• 1 Cup (big fistfull) of Cilantro, finely chopped
• 1/2 Cup Onion, coarsely chopped
• 2 Large Jalapenos (3 if you like it extra hot)
• Juice from 1/2 a Lime
• 2T White Vinegar
• 2T (big pinch x2) Kosher Salt or Smoked Salt (available online or at many markets)
• 2t (little pinch x2)Fresh Ground Pepper
• 2t (little pinch x2) Granulated Garlic (Fresh garlic is okay too, but will get stronger with time. Granulated seems to stay way more consistent with time which is good with salsa)
• 1.5t of McCormick Chipotle Chile Pepper

Method:

1. Place tomatoes in food processor and spin 'em until they are the consistencey of restaurant salsa--slightly over-blended but not pureed. Place in a bowl larger than what you think you'll need.
2. Place cilantro, onion and lime juice in food processor at the same time. Pulse until onions are coarsely minced. Place in bowl with tomatoes.
3. Place jalapenos and vinegar in processor and spin until coarsely minced. Add to bowl.
4. Add salt, pepper, garlic and chipotle chile powder. Stir and enjoy with your favorite chips.

As always, you can enjoy your salsa right away but waiting at least a few hours will greatly benefit the flavors. Overnight is better.

Drunken Habanero-Kiwi Salsa

I wanted a salsa that would knock me on my butt but still be good enough to eat an entire bowl. I used my limited knowledge of chemistry and applied it as much as I could. The goal is spicy on many levels. First there is the flavor of the habanero, then the heat of the habanero. But there is a lot of scorching heat that can still be drawn from the habanero when mixed with alcohol. Thus the tequila. There is also a nice flavor that is brought out with raw sugar. Thus the raw sugar. Then there are the ultra fruity notes of the habanero that are brought out with tropical fruits like mango and kiwi. Thus the kiwi. I like to use ultra-ripe kiwis (almost to a fault). They are fragrant and musty. The tequila helps insure that they won't go bad within a day of storage. If for any reason the salsa feels tingly (like carbonation on your tongue, discard it--or just use less-ripe kiwis. I like heat but only when flavor comes along for the ride.

Ingredients:

• 8 Vine Tomatoes, topped and quartered
• 1 Cup (big fistfull) of Cilantro, finely chopped
• 2 Habaneros (red, orange or yellow. doesn't matter)
• 2-3 Kiwi Fruits
• Juice from 1/2 a Lime
• 1.5 Shots of Tequila (any kind will do but Patron would be a waste of tequila and Jose Cuervo would be a waste of salsa, so shoot in between).
• 1 Shots of Triple Sec
• 1/8 Cup of Sugar in the Raw (regular sugar works too, but lacks a deep, rounded flavor)
• 2T White Vinegar
• 2T (big pinch x2) Kosher Salt

Method:

1. Place tomatoes in food processor and spin 'em until they are the consistencey of restaurant salsa--slightly over-blended but not pureed. Place in a bowl larger than what you think you'll need.
2. Place cilantro, kiwis, lime juice in food processor at the same time. Pulse until onions are coarsely minced. Place in bowl with tomatoes.
3. Place habaneros, tequila, triple sec and vinegar in processor and spin until coarsely minced. Add to bowl.
4. Add salt and sugar. Stir and enjoy with your favorite chips.

As always, you can enjoy your salsa right away but waiting at least a few hours will greatly benefit the flavors. Overnight is better. Sweet salsas never present themselves well immediately. An overnight sit will bring the flavors together and allow the flavors to progress on your palate. From a flavorful start to a spicy roller coaster then finish with a sweet spice.

It's All About the Sauce!

I grew up in Mid Missouri. I'm not a huge fan of the town I grew up in. I'm also not a fan of most of the food in this unmentioned town. Don't get me wrong, the food was good, but out of the hundreds of restaurants in the town, there were very few that took advantage of the unique position that the map had placed them. If someone from my town were to head east on I-70, they would hit St. Louis and some of the best regional BBQ in the US. The Memphis style with St. Louis blues go hand-in-hand. If they would head west on I-70, they would have hit Kansas City: home of world renown holes in the wall/diamonds in the rough like Oklahoma Joe's, Arthur Bryant's, Gate's Bar B.Q. and some of the most soulful people you'll ever want to meet. While you're there, you can visit the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum which makes everything better because baseball and BBQ are America! Kansas City is also home to the American Royal Championship every year.

All this sauce and smoke within two hours and only one decent BBQ joint in the town of my upbringing. We were smack-dab in the middle of BBQ Country and only one lonely BBQ Joint/Smokehouse in the entire budding community. There may be more now. I haven't been back in a few years, but everyone wanted the chain eateries that brought in foreign pop culture so they could feel well-rounded I guess. These places were good, but they lacked real depth of culture. What says culture more than heading to Kansas City, visiting the Negro League Baseball Museum, then walking over to Arthur Bryant's for a "sandwich?" I call it a "sandwich" because it's a slice of white bread with a 4"-6" heap of meat on it with another slice on top. I was never able to eat it as a sandwich because it was just too massive. The bread was there to mop up the extra sauce on the plate. The last time I was there, they had 3 types of sauce. They were all amazing!

When I grew up and joined the military, I was moved down to Abilene, TX. Texas is a mix of several types of BBQ but one thing is for sure: It's smokey and it's delicious.  It seems that in Texas, if you were to throw a rock and not hit a BBQ/Smokehouse, you probably hit a Mexican restaurant. But sometimes it was a Mexican place that had a severe Texas smoke influence. It was awesome.

I feel fortunate to have eaten so much BBQ in my short 26 years but there is one problem. I have eaten so much of this BBQ that my styles are mixed and confusing. I like my sauce to be Kansas City Sweet, my rubs to be Memphis dry and all of it to be Texas mesquite smokey. The problem is that I have no regional style. The anti-problem is that all of these regional styles smash together into a no holds barred grill fest that has not received one complaint to this day.

I love rubs, I love sauce, I love smoke and I love smoking in my current location of Germany because my neighbors think I'm crazy when I smoke a brisket or smoker full of ribs in negative temperatures with 8" of snow on the ground. The Germans do know how to BBQ though. It's a unique style that is often used at festivals. I have seen pigs on a rotisserie over wood and I have seen shoulder steaks on a hanging grill called a schwenker cooked over burning grape vines. Both are amazing, but no sauces are used and the ingredients are often left alone to speak for themselves. I have enjoyed both to the fullest extent, but it's just not American BBQ and it's definitely not often done in the winter with snow on the ground. The Germans seem to have more common sense than I do.

Anyways, on to the food. This entry will feature four sauces. The first sauce is a new venture for me. I am trying to see what food mangos and habanero peppers WON'T work with. I have yet to find one, but we will try it and see how it comes out. The second sauce will be a thick, sweet, spicy Kansas City style sauce that should encourage a slow burn mellowed out by a deep sweetness. The third will be a North Carolina Style sauce that is light on body but strong on vinegar. The fourth will be a mustard BBQ sauce that is very similar to the North Carolina style but the mustardy flavors are often reserved for the South Carolina  crowd. 

Unstirred Sauces. In order, clockwise from top left:
Tangy NC, Mango-Habanero, SC Mustard, KC Style.

• All sauces will be served with Texas-style smoked pork spareribs. I find this to be a very versatile, cheap meat that works well with almost any sauce. 
• All Spareribs will be seasoned with a dry rub that is found in almost all BBQ regions
• 1/2 Cup Garlic Powder
• 1/2 Cup Onion Powder
• 1/4 Cup Salt
• 1/8 Cup Black Pepper
• 1/8 Cup Cayenne Pepper
• 1/3 Cup Paprika
• Mix all ingredients in a cup and season generously over some olive oil brushed ribs
• The Ribs will be smoked for 3-4 hours prior to sauce time.

The key here is not only flavor, but versatility and shrinking cook time down because unless you cook for a living, chances are you have other things to do. This is why we cheat. We will start all recipes with the same sauce base. Tomato paste? Nope. Fresh tomatoes? I don't have that kind of time. We will start all of these sauces with crappy, $1.50 generic BBQ Sauce bought straight from the store. *GASP* Is this cheating? Yes, absolutely. Do I care? No. Because I know that given a few extra hours, I'll put in all the time to make my own. But since I have 2.87 kids, a wife and a time-consuming job, I haven't seen an extra few hours in a long, long time. Soooooooo I use Kraft Original as a starter. It's got all the consistency I want, all the tomatoes I need and a ton of artificial ingredients that came out of a lab beaker and are loosely held together chemically and whose artificial flavors can be destroyed and covered by real ingredients.

As always, enjoy these recipes but make them your own. Mess with the ingredients and come up with your own style. Any of these recipes can be easily altered to fit your favorite region of BBQ.

1. Mango Habanero Experiment

So far I have put the mango-habanero flavor combo on just about everything and have not been disappointed to this date. They play well together and this sauce is no different. Sauce is thick, sweet and will take you by surprise as the heat hits you late in the bite. Awesome sauce!

• One Bottle Kraft Original BBQ Sauce
• One Mango, peeled and pitted
• 1 Habanero Pepper, stemmed and seeded
• 1/2 Red Onion
• 1/4 Cup Cider Vinegar
• 1/4 Cup Brown Sugar
• 1/4 Cup Sugar in the Raw
• 1 pinch of salt
• A couple grinds of pepper

Method

1. Place peeled, pitted mango, half onion, and stemmed, seeded habanero into food processor and puree. You want it to be the same consistency as your BBQ Sauce.
2. Mix all ingredients into a sauce pan. Stir. Let simmer on low heat for about 20 minutes.
3. Brush onto precooked ribs using a brush or back of a spoon.
4. Place ribs over indirect heat. Remove when tips of ribs are showing signs of blackening.

2. Kansas City Sweet & Spicy Sauce

KC Sauces are known for their sweet, spicy and thick nature. Due to the sugar content of KC style sauces, they should be over indirect heat and applied late in the grilling process unless you like burnt sugar.

• 1 Jalapeno, seeded, stemmed and minced
• 1/2 Red Onion, minced
• Juice from 1/2 Lemon
• 1/4 Cup Cider Vinegar
• 1 Bottle Kraft Original BBQ Sauce
• 2 Cups of Brown Sugar
• 3 Tbsp Crushed Red Pepper
• 2 Tbsp Garlic Powder
• 1 tsp Celery Seeds
• 1 Tbsp Ground Mustard Powder
• 1 Pinch of Salt
• A couple grinds of pepper

Method

1. Mince Onion and Jalapeno
2. Mix all ingredients into a sauce pan. Stir. Let simmer on low heat for about 20 minutes.
3. Brush onto precooked ribs using a brush or back of a spoon.
4. Place ribs over indirect heat. Remove when tips of ribs are showing signs of blackening.

3. Tangy North Carolina Sauce

Carolina style sauce is somewhere between a mop sauce and a BBQ sauce. It's thin and vinegary. It needs to be applied liberally and often. It can take a little more heat than more sugary sauces due to not being as sweet and thick as other sauces. If you are worried about not liking that bitter vinegar flavor, fear not! Vinegar at room temperature is bitter but vinegar at it's boiling point takes on a nice tangy flavor that is slightly sweet, tart and very pleasing. This is a nice sauce if you want to bring out the flavor of your dry rub and not let the sauce flavor take over your meat.

• 1 Bottle of Kraft Original BBQ Sauce
• 1/2 Cup of Mott's All Natural, unfiltered 100% pure Apple Juice
• 1/2 Cup of Cider Vinegar
• 1/2 Cup of White Vinegar
• 1/8 Cup Sugar in the Raw
• 2 Tbsp Crushed Red Pepper
• 2 Tbsp Garlic Powder
• 1 tsp Ground Mustard Powder
• 1 Pinch of Salt
• A couple grinds of Pepper

Method

1. Mix all ingredients into a sauce pan. Stir. Let simmer on low heat for about 20 minutes.
2. Ladle onto precooked ribs using a ladle or spoon. Spread with back of spoon.
3. Place ribs over indirect heat. Remove when tips of ribs are showing signs of blackening.

4. South Carolina Sweet & Tangy Mustard Sauce

This sauce is awesome! It's roots lie in South Carolina but when I make it, I give it the thickness of a Missouri sauce. It seems to coat better and more mustard flavor sticks around.

• 1 Bottle of Kraft Original BBQ Sauce
• 3/4 Bottle of your favorite mustard. Even dijon or whole grain mustard will work. It just depends on your tastes.
• 1/4 Cup Cider Vinegar
• 1 Cup Brown Sugar
• 1 Tbsp Crushed Red Pepper
• Pinch of Salt
• A couple grinds of pepper

Method

1. Mix all ingredients into a sauce pan. Stir. Let simmer on low heat for about 20 minutes.
2. Brush onto precooked ribs using a brush or back of spoon.
3. Place ribs over indirect heat. Remove when tips of ribs are showing signs of blackening.

Enjoy!

Mango Habanero Salsa

So maybe I'm a little late getting into the mango-habanero game, but this salsa turned out great and even won a small competition in the Best Overall and Best Spicy categories. This stuff has some serious bite to it, but the mango makes it very forgiving. It gets in your mouth, starts off with a strong sweetness and then the burn creeps in, then up your nose, and then it goes into your eyes (then at some point little habanero pepper demons creep into your brain and kick it around for a while) then the sweetness takes back over and your reach for another chip. It sounds like a horrific experience, but I assure you, it is worth it. It's packed with flavor and will be a contender no matter what you serve it with. It's nice on a chip, chicken or fish. I've even eaten it on a burrito and it was awesome!

Finished product

Mango Habanero Salsa

Ingredients

-4 Ripe Tomatoes, quartered (Large plums. Not beefsteaks unless you pulled them off the vine yourself)

-3 Ripe Mangos, peeled, pitted and cut into hearty chunks

-1 Small Red (purple) Onion, quartered (they are sweeter and you'll thank me for it later when the Habanero demons are kicking your brain)

-1 Habanero Pepper (or two in the winter months when the peppers aren't so potent) or 2 Dried Habanero Peppers (don't discount the dried, they'll burn just as hot, they're just not as fruity as the fresh. If you do use the dried, add 1/2 a yellow pepper to the mix to make up for lack of fruitiness of the dried habanero).

-1/2 of a Lime's worth of lime juice

-1 Bunch of fresh Cilantro, finely chopped

-2 Tbsp (or to taste) of Sugar in the Raw (regular sugar will work but it just doesn't have that earthy flavor that helps blend flavors so well). This will also help add a ripe mango flavor to the salsa if your mangos aren't so ripe.

 -1Tbsp of kosher salt (or to taste) (if you are going to consume the salsa immediately, I would use a finer salt that will dissolve more quickly)

Method

-Place quartered tomatoes in a food processor and chop until you have the desired consistency. Don't make it paste, but don't leave them chunky either. Think Mexican restaurant, not pico de gallo. Empty processed tomatoes into a large mixing bowl.

-If using dried habaneros, scoop up about 1 cup of tomatoes and let your dried peppers soak in it while you prep the rest of your recipe. There is enough water in the tomatoes to rehydrate your peppers and wake them up a bit.

Place pieces of mango into the food processor and chop to same consistency as the tomatoes. Add to mixing bowl.

-Chop the onion in the food processor to a slightly chunkier consistency than the tomatoes and add to mixing bowl

Red and orange habanero varieties

-Place the habanero pepper in the food processor and pulverize it. You want that thing as destroyed as possible. It will prevent you from getting a big ol' chunk of hellfire on your tongue while other bites taste like a dessert topping. It will help the salsa blend better. ***I highly recommend using a pair of latex gloves when handling high-powered peppers or else you next trip to the bathroom could result in a very painful situation***

-If you're using the dried habaneros, place the tomato soak, the dried peppers and the recommended yellow bell pepper in the processor and destroy.

-Use a chefs knife to finely chop your cilantro and toss it on top of the pile. I like a lot of cilantro. It seems to cool things off in the same way that sour cream might in a taco. I like a lot, but you can adjust to your liking.

-Add the lime juice, Sugar in the Raw and salt to the bowl. Fold it all together with a rubber spatula.

You can eat it right away, but I HIGHLY recommend saving it in the fridge for the next day. When you let something this volatile sit overnight, it will come together very nicely and the stages that I talked about in the introduction will blend and meld into each other--each providing an introduction for the next stage. If you don't let it sit overnight, it will, instead, hit you like the cars in the opening scene of Meet Joe Black.

Enjoy and let me know how your salsa turns out.

Also, to celebrate the first official NEW recipe of this blog, here is a video of me eating a raw habanero pepper.